Full Circle

Its all come full circle. I have my dream job, currently a mere 3 miles from my home (get this, hitting EVERY red light means that it only takes me 10 MINUTES to get to work!); my children are excelling at their sports; my husband is still golden at his job; my animals are for the most part healthy (old, but healthy); and we just put a deposit on a HOUSE! Granted, we are just renting, but my poor children have been in apartments their whole lives and now, they will have a house! A pool, basketball courts, tennis courts, a YARD and THEIR OWN ROOMS! Life has come full circle.

People have tried to tear me down, family has tried to tear me down, but it didn't work. I graduated with honors, I got hired in TWO specialties, my children have come through it all mostly in tact (thanks to therapy, early and intense there were no real scars, at least not now) and my marriage remained strong and whole and healthy.

I can't believe it. I really can't. I am starting grad school (which I need to take a little more seriously) and I have my dream job. I have the next 5 days off from work and I'm dying...I want to go back, can you believe that? Itching to go to work? Is it really "work" if you want to be there? Whatever, it's a paycheck that I get for doing what I love!

This is it, life is moving forward and we are floating with the current instead of struggling to stay afloat. We are all on the raft and loving the direction we are going in!

Christmas Time

I will be the first to admit, and if you have been reading my blogs you know this, there isn't a single religious bone in my body, so that lends me toward the commercial and capitalistic and completely materialistic part of this holiday! I love getting my kids whatever it was that they wanted for Christmas. It's rare that I buy them ANY toys throughout the year, so Christmas and Birthdays are time for me to spend whatever it takes to make them happy, and let me say without any shame, I do just that!

This year? iPads all around. Minis for the husband and I, and full size for my mother-in-law and children...yes the children. They also have cases with keyboards (hey, homework can be done this way too!) and several iPad related toys--helicopters, crayola stuff, and battleship toys (that game is awesome!)....and it's been a wonderfully materialistic morning.

Work has enabled me to do for them what we have always struggled to do (hubby is smart...locked account that we can only access during Christmas time)...and this year was a free for all and I loved it. Worked twice yesterday (weird split schedule) and was up for 27 hours. Opened presents and collapsed in a very confused state into bed with an amazing comforter that my MIL bought us for Christmas and had a great 6 hour nap!

So far, the day has been simply amazing! Merry Christmas to all and to all---a great day of playing with toys, gadgets and eating only the best FOOD with your great families!


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This is it!

Yesterday was my 31st birthday! You think I'd be sad or fighting it or something to that effect...but I'm good. In the morning I was having a hard time, but my husband reminded me of something- I have done everything I've set out to do by my 31st birthday. I said a few years ago when I started nursing school that by 31, I would have a job, I would have my degree and guess what? I did it. I have not one, but TWO jobs as an RN. I work transport and Labor and Delivery. I have my Bachelor's degree. My kids are healthy. For 31 I've done some amazing things. I did 8 years in the army, gained a degree, got married, have a great family, my kids are SUCCESSFUL (yes, I know they are still kids, but they are great students and great athletes and they are KIND and LOVING to those around them!).

I've done it. I'm here. Now, to take some cues from Tim Mcgraw...and lets take these next 30 years slow. Enjoy everything I've worked so hard for. Enjoy my kids. Enjoy MYSELF. I spent roughly 29 years confused and displeased with my body--too white, too chubby, hairs not right, skin is awful, the list goes on and on. I killed myself last year to get an amazing body, and man, did I! You could wash clothes on my abs and I rocked a bikini like no other...but I got lazy. Going to the gym and doing the same thing can be boring, and it got boring. Next up? Find a workout I enjoy that will relieve stress, give me a body I can be comfortable in and spend some time with myself.

I started boxing this week. It's pretty cool. I get pissed at my trainer (he's a professional boxer, so he gets frustrated with me too!) BUT he knows how to motivate me, and that motivation for me is through anger. Expect me to do what you do, push me to live up to that expectation and I will fight hard to get there. I think I'm doing well. I'm hurting all over, all the time, but inside, I feel like a million bucks. Mick and Alex started boxing also. Mick is my little "Million dollar baby" already---this kid has it, she just gets it. She thinks it, and her body does it, it's pretty freaking amazing. Alex---he's my slugger. He wants to walk in there and just throw punches. He's more like Rocky. Get that pound-for-pound punch to knock you out and go home. He likes variety and gets bored with the repetition, BUT he was sad he wasn't going to be there for one day of practice. Both the kids adore their gigantic Romanian trainer. He truly is amazing with the kids! In the evening I get time watching my kids work hard and they watch me do the same thing, but we have something to bond over and talk about--it really is rather cool! Something the three of us have in common and some time for us to hang out, encourage each other and laugh our asses off at each other (there is a LOT of laughing going on, probably too much for our trainer!)

I have finally finished orientation with CCT and am riding solo (well, one ride, but hey, that's enough) and I have orientation day 1 on Monday for L&D. I am very excited! I'm terrified that I am going to walk in there and just  be dumb, but that's what training is for right? RIGHT!

The last 30 years have been outstanding. There have been some trials (literally and figuratively) but you know what? Even the problems have shown me that I am strong. I can take a punch and get back up and plug on and COME OUT A WINNER! No one will get me down, EVER. I am strong, in every way that a person can be strong, I am strong. Here is to the next 31 years of my life---may they be wonderful, full of joy and full of love!

I did it!

I am a Registered Nurse! I did it!

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Just left waiting.

School is done. That's it. I've graduated, we've done our pinning ceremony and I've taken my NCLEX. I originally planned to take it September 13...BUT I'd already been studying more than a month since I started right after the exit exam...and I moved it up to September 5th. My husband said I could do it, and to date, he's been wrong about 5 times, so with his good track record, why not...I did it.

I knew the morning of I would be in no shape to drive, it would be all up to him. Since my test was at 12, I figured we'd drop the kids off at school, return the carpet shampooer I had rented the day before (yes, I shampooed the carpets the day before NCLEX, had to occupy myself some how), get some coffee and breakfast and head to the testing site. We got there 2 hours early despite trying to take our time. I was in fits. I was freaking out. What does my husband do? Falls asleep next to me in the car! Here I was at the MOMENT that would tell whether or not I was good enough, and he friggin falls asleep and SNORES in the drivers seat. Twitter saved me. People kept me "talking" and joking around...and when I was getting ready to go in and test, the husband decided to wake up. LOL! Got my good luck kiss and went inside.

I wanted to barf. It is as awful as everyone says it is, don't let anyone tell you any different. It doesn't matter how you have studied, how well you did in school...that day that you walk into that testing center is the worst day of your life. You want to barf, your brain is blank, you KNOW NOTHING! I sat at the computer and started the tutorial...and couldn't read a darn word. The tutorial finished and the first question popped up and I was blank. Three years of information ran from my head and I knew not a darn thing. I took a few deep breaths...closed my eyes, counted to five....and I could read again. Information was in my brain again and I was ready to go! The questions were fair. They weren't "easy" they weren't "hard"...they were fair. Grammar was perfect, spelling was spot on and there were no annoying misspellings (three years of misspelled tests, I was gonna scream!). A few times I thought, "Crap, was that a DIDN'T understand or did the patient understand???" or "DANG! Was that question implying that she KNEW what she was doing???"....

Question 74 loomed on the screen and I was terrified to continue. Some more deep breathing and I clicked next. Answered  75 as carefully as I could, and looked at the "next" button. I just stared at it. Closed my eyes. Opened them. Darn it, the computer didn't move on on it's own, darn thing wasn't working telepathically, that meant I'd have to click next on my own. Ugh. Fine. CLICK!

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It asked if I wanted to take the survey now...sure, what else am I gonna do? Start the test over? You are out of your mind! So I did the survey...and holy crap, I didn't know if I was a boy or a girl, Hispanic or Asian! I was freaking out! I finished the survey, shaking, gathered my things and walked out. That was it. Three years of blood, sweat and tears came down to that measly 45 minutes. That was it. Texted the husband that I was done and walked to meet him at Starbucks. He had just barely gotten settled into Starbucks and was shocked I was done. Three hours later, checked my pearson vue and tried to register again....I COULDN"T REGISTER!!!!!!! That was it! I was a nurse! Sasha Ricci, BSN, RN. Now, if only the board would post my license number and I could get started finding a job.

Two weeks left, and some new insights

I have 15 days until I graduate! Then it's NCLEX time and then the big JOB HUNT!!!! From the beginning I was thinking, "ER! That's it! That's the ONLY place I will EVER work!"....but then life and school showed me other things that I would be good at! My first few clinical rotations had me cringing at older patients, until I realized WHY! They forced me to view my own mortality! I was going to be old one day, I was going to be frail one day. My youth would be gone, my strength would fade and my children would grow and move on...and I hated that thought! I'm no spring chicken by any means, but hey, I still work out, I still grab life by the horns and ride on...and these patients made me realize that we all will get old. It wasn't until my last rotation that I was able to fully realize how special our older generation is! They have great stories, they accept what is happening and they have amazing insight to life and the hidden secrets, you just have to be willing to LISTEN! Even the patients that seemed grouchy and angry at life...they all just wanted someone to listen to their point of view, realize that they had already "been there, done that" and had a million t-shirts to commemorate it...and they wanted and sometimes NEEDED to share this with people.

There are so many new nurses who are saying, "I will never work LTC" or "Ugh, I'll just do my year and move on"...What about your patients? What about joyfully doing a job and learning and being loyal to them? They also like to see our youth and our vitality, I believe it gives them strength. I've also heard "I do not ever want to do hospice!"...these families and patients need our strength! We are young, we can help them shoulder their burden!

My views have morphed a bit, and while the ER is still tantalizing and exciting and fast...there are also other possibilities on my checklist and I have a chance of falling in love with each and every one of those!

LTC---The older generation need our compassion, strength and love as much as we need to learn from their wisdom. They've taken the lumps life has to offer, wouldn't it be great to learn from them and avoid the same mistakes? Laugh with them about their stories of raising children in the 70's? Laugh with them when they talk about how cheap gas was? Cry with them when they mourn the loss of a friend?

Hospice---These families need our shoulders. We are trying to help their loved one pass with dignity, grace and minimal pain. We are allowed a window into the souls of the family, and this is a great honor, one that should not be scoffed at as being "below" a new nurse.

Oncology---Never thought I would consider this field. My grandfather died of cancer and I walled myself up and didn't let anyone in...that was my mistake. I have strength to give families and patients at this point in their life that I think I would have loved to have been offered. These patients are terrified, and the method to healing them is also killing them...they need a rock in the storm, they need a gentle hand, they need a silent supporter who they know they can just let go in front of and cry until the tears are dry.

ER---Still holds it's glory, but it is not alone in my eyes anymore. This encompasses all that I have listed, these patients are terrified also and need the same strength, but the point of all this is to realize that there are more places that will offer the same things.....

I will be grateful to get a job, any job...but I am also loyal and understand that what I have to give can benefit people in other places. I wish new grads were more open to possibilities. I wish they were open to what they had to offer as well as what they can learn and grow from.

How to answer a kids question.

My daughter (who is 8) loves to text, so she decided to ask my MILs boyfriend (who is VERY smart) a question. here is the conversation:
Mick: why do people say drinking coffee will make you short?
Ed: There is no documented evidence of drinking coffee making you short or stunting your growth. however, coffee contains xanthene derivatives ...caffeine in general is a stimulant, and a diuretic, which means it makes you pee more than you otherwise would. in doing so, it also inhibits the reuptake of calcium in your kidneys. so, one looses more calcium than one otherwise would. Most things aside, that's not a good thing in growing children or old people. the thought probably being that loosing calcium when one's growing means you have smaller bones. caffeine and its derivatives do have other side effects that aren't always desirable. I'd probably keep my caffeine intake to a minimum all things considered
Mick: ok thank you

LMAO. made my day!

Time to finish this.

I have 41 days left of school. That's it. 41 days left. After that I am given a piece of paper that qualifies me to take the most important test of my life so far. A test that I have gambled over $100,000 to take. It's amazing isn't it? The fact that I would gamble so much  money on a test that can give me as few as 75 question or as many as 265....and that after that I will have the ability to help sick people, hold the hands of the dying, reassure a mother that her child will be just fine, make an old man laugh as he attempts to flirt with the new nurse. Finding a job is a whole different ball game, but that will be it. The culmination of 3 long years of studying, dreaming about pituitary glands (yes, I did, they were pink and purple in my dream) and waking up in a panic because I didn't remember charting something (when in reality I did chart it, but in nursing school, you worry about it all!).

Three years of seeing really sick people and managing to get them to smile. Three years of seeing not so sick people and wondering, "What can I do for YOU?". Three years of tears, frustration, joy, fear, trepidation. It will all be over. In 41 days I can take that test. The test that will judge my worth as a student and as a potential nurse. In 41 days I will quake in fear sitting outside of one hospital or another wondering if this interview will be the one, will this one earn me my job? In 41 days I will second guess myself after every "Submit" button that will send my resume to complete strangers who will scrutinize me and judge whether or not I am worthy of the interview. (If you are that person judging me, please, call me for the interview. I swear, I will be great and I will be worth your time).

In 41 days, one part of my life will end, and another will begin. Expectations will be higher. The tears will be more. The joy, laughter and feelings of completeness will increase. The trepidation of the incoming patient will increase. The stakes will be raised. No longer can I say, "I'm a student" and have people give me the answer I can't figure out....in 41 days I will be expected to know the answers for the students that come behind me.

I can do it. I can add those letters "BSN, RN" after my name and know that I am doing them justice.

I can be all that I am expected to be, and more. I will be all that I am expected to be, and I will be more.

This is my husband

And I am proud to call him mine.

He works hard, sleeps very little and does all he can for us.

He may not fold the laundry right, or take the trash out when I want...but he does it when he doesn't have to, and that's all that matters! w

Coming to a close

So, nearly 3 years has come and gone and I am almost done with school. I've learned a lot about myself as well as nursing.

I've learned that I am smarter than I've given myself credit for. I have more compassion for people than I've thought I had in my entire body. I never thought in a million years I could be compassionate, but surprise I am. I've learned that marriage is really a partnership, and if you have a great partner like I do, they wont mind picking up your slack when you are beat.

This has been an awesome time of making friends, figuring out what I like and dislike in people, learning that more people are genuine than I thought.

Here's to the final four months of school, and a great career for the next 30 years!

Such a relaxing day!

So, today was chill day. Drove up to Santa Barbara with the family to visit an old friend, had lunch and meandered on our way home.

Stopped at the beach for about three minutes , it was freezing.

Drove back along the backroads, checking out fruit stands.

All in all, an awesome day!

Raising a strong child

As a strong woman, i pride myself on raising a strong daughter- one who doesnt take to female hysterics or is prone to over emotional reactions- i have seen the down fall to that this afternoon.

My daughter keeps a lot of the childhood drama to herself and attempts to shake off a lot of what is bothering her, until she cracks... last week when she got out of school, got into the car and broke down in tears asking to go to a new classroom. Apparently a child whose parents have been causing untold amounts of drama at the school has been on her own bitch crusade to make my daughters life a living hell. We did what any parent would do (after i called and raged at my husband for a good 40 minutes) and talked to the teacher about almost a years woth of problems and assured our daughter that the teacher would handle it, she just had to make sure to talk to the teacher when there was an issue.

We explained to our daughter that children often mimic the behavior that they see their mothers displaying and that she should have compassion for this bitch-child....and to make sure our daughter felt comfortable, yes, we got her a cellphone. I told her that under no circumstance is she to show the phone to anyone or use it at school unless there is a problem that the teacher is ignoring, fast forward to today. I got a text from my daughter telling me that the bitch-family was going to be in the classroom watching presentations and she didnt feel comfortable being in the room with them (bitch mom has approached my daughter and asked her questions regarding the drama that she has caused this year and i have told bitch-mom in no uncertain terms to stay the f***k away from my child)...my daughter had asked to be allowed to sit in the office and was told no, she has to listen to the presentations and learn (really? The presentations were on Mariah Carey...really??????)...so my daughter hightailed it to the bathroom and called me in hysterics while i was already on the way to the school to figure out what was happening- and i freaked.

All in all, my daughter is fine, we have a new classroom and I just saw the fat bitch mom leaving the school...I really have to wonder though, while some moms are teaching their daughters to try to be level headed and strong, why are other moms teaching their daughters to be bitches? Is that really necessary? This bitch-mom is the same mom who was calling parents all year crying about how her daughter has no friends and how her husband had an affair with a school volunteer (i know the volunteer, this was all made up in paranoid bitch-moms mind....but i wouldnt blame the no-balls-husband if he did cheat)...and she wonders why her daughter has no friends? Shocking. It really is...

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Photo of the day, day five....

Im a bit behind!

Anti-smoking documentary....

Wow...im watching the former mayor of New York, while sitting in a bar, condemn smoking. Last I checked one single drunk driver could, and HAS wiped out entire families....but I've never seen one smoker take out an innocent family simply driving next to them. I love how the anti-smoking commercials say that cigarettes are the ONLY product, when used as intended, will kill half of the users. Really? What about liver disease, drunk drivers, abused children? All of this is cause by ANOTHER product being used as directed.

A photo a day for thirty days, day 4

The girls ....waiting to go to the gym's daycare...I gotta get my workout ongott

A picture a day for 30 days! day 3!

Apparently Mick fell asleep after a really long day with friends lol!

A picture a day for 30 days, day 2

My gorgeous daughter!

122!!!!

Finally!  I broke the 125-123 stalemate I was in!!!  122 this morning with an inch off my waist n hips!  I'm so freaking excited!  I can't believe it!  7 pounds to go before I reach my 115 goal! 

I even see a hint of abs lol!!!

A picture a day for 30 days! DAY 1

A boy and his dog. 

Only a year left!

And I'm already so over it! Actually, truth be told I was over it about 6 months ago. I'm SOOOOOO tired of studying! I do it because I know I have to, and I know I need to, but man, my books make me want to snooze! I think that hardest part of it all is that its SUMMER! I want to go to the beach! I want to hang out at the pool! Whenever I try, I have a nagging voice in my head saying "Gotta go back and study!"....ugh, so I do. I do. Since I've started all this, I've gained 20lbs...however, I have been working my ass off for the last few months and am pleased to say the scale is somewhere between 125-123...it changes every  morning...HOWEVER, my body fat is 19.6%! I know I shouldn't be too excited, that's closer to 20 than it is to 19, but hey, whats a girl to do!

Here's to more studying, less beaching, more working out and better eating! Lets "get er done!"

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