This week was scary.

So, lets start with the good stuff. My last term of pre-reqs was coming to a close! How thrilling! Micro and Patho were almost done! Study group was underway and I was kicking ass and taking names- of diseases and microbes that is. Things were great! I was in the middle of finishing my nursing packet so I didn't have any worries or hang-ups getting into the clinical setting. However, in the middle of my physical we hit a snag- the doctor found a lump in my breast. Now anyone who knows me knows that I do not sensationalize nor am I dramatic in the least---I rant and rave and vent a whole hell of a lot, but never do I make a mountain out of a mole hill, but this lump threw me for a fucking loop. The kicker? How dare my boobs think to get lumpy! I paid over 6 grand (close to 8) for them! They better not require removal! What a waste of money! But, after trying to use the humor to cover up the fear, I knew I had to have a game plan. If it was cancer, they were coming off. I wasn't gonna risk anything and I sure as hell wasn't going to fall behind in school. This wasnt' the time for chemo or being sick, this was a time for learning how to heal people.

After trying to study with this cloud looming over my head, I pushed on. I took my finals with this stupid ass lump sitting in the back of my mind, and miraculously I passed. I have my 'A' in micro and am waiting to find out my grade in patho (will update when that posts). This morning was the test. Time to get an ultra sound and see what was in there. And? The US tech found NOTHING! The lump is there, we all felt it, but on the ultrasound it didnt' show. The radiologist checked it out- and yup....NOTHING! I'm clear. They are thinking it's the implant and scar tissue being retarded.

I have to admit I was angry. My mom, being the bitch that she is, wasn't there for me. With everything that happened I was not going to call her. Why would I? Then she would again take us to court---oh, she has cancer, she can't take care of her daughter, give me custody. FUCK YOU BITCH! I went through this fear without my mother. That's one of the worst things I can imagine! I had my husband who was my rock, my best friend who just listened (and even had the convo with me through text message, cause I knew hearing her voice would make me cry) and my large and in charge buddy at school---they all supported me and listened to the fear. However, I didn't have my mother. I swear, even though I am Buddhist, I'm not perfect---and she is my largest obsticle. I am sure that in past lives I was able to deal with anything, and since in this life I make it a challenge to myself to do the impossible...I probably planned to be born to this crazy witch. Give myself the ultimate challenge. Well, damn it, I will overcome this problem too! I will make and maintain my peace with her. She will not get the best of me! Just like the cancer scare, she will not stop me!

I am relieved. Finals are done, I'm moving on to the actual nursing program and even though I didn't have a mother to help me through this----I have some fucking AWESOME and AMAZING friends who really are all the family that I need!

****EDIT***** And yes, I got an A in patho!