You know, I had posted under this title earlier...and it was entirely inspired by a conversation I had on twitter. Did I post before I knew the whole story? Yup...but then what followed proved my point---anger is natural when it comes to death, but totally misplaced. Now---why did I remove it? I dont regret what I wrote...it was initial feelings, however, no matter someones reaction to what I write, I dont post blogs to piss people off. Despite what they think. It's that simple. Did my post hurt someones feelings that I used to follow on Twitter? Yup it did, and that's why I took it down. However, after the railing....well....now I'm not following them anymore. I don't have "friends" who do just what they were accusing me of doing. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry about your friend. I'm very sorry about your child (though I dont know what that has to do with your friend)...and I do hope that you can let the anger go---because that's never good.
I get it...someone close to you is dying---and No, NF...this isn't about you. Go focus on your friend. It sucks. It seems like life isn't fair and you are railing against everything that seems to be standing in your way. Here's where I get lost. In the "Poor me" section. Everyone claims to have faith in something, have a belief system- whether your Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, or shoot, atheists. You have a belief in place...use that. If you believe in a higher power, then you can't have a "poor me"...why? Because your higher power states that you can lean on "him/her/it" for strength. Some "gods" say that things are done for a reason. Some belief systems say that there is a lesson to learn in everything.
In addition to reading about what's happening to NF's friend (and yes this part is about you) I can't help but think of my cousin Dennis who just died last night. Alone. How did he die? Liver failure. Who found out? His twin brother Dwayne who started looking for him when no one had heard from him. So---just like smoking---well, drinking does it too. I'm the odd ball in the family. I see death as just that. Death. Everyone has to die. No one chooses how. Dennis and Dwayne had the same 20 year military career, they both had the same path...but in the end, one picked alcohol and the other didn't. It's just life. And sometimes it sucks.
And no, NF, my children are not sick. However, I just finished a year and a half long battle trying to keep custody of them. Why? Because my mother is insane, and decided I wasn't a good mom. I wasn't a Christian, I have friends in porn, I was teaching them to be Buddhist (my children not my porn friends)...and in this shitty ass legal system we have, yes, it was allowed to be dragged through the courts. My children had their innocence ripped away from them because of lies told to DCFS and LAPD constantly. I had PI's following me endlessly trying to catch me in some sort of illegal act...even running a red light. So no, not everyone shares the same pains, but we all have our problems.
The trick? Find your faith. Find your rock. Whatever it is. And keep trudging. (and no, NF, this isn't aimed at YOU...this is for any and everyone reading this) Find a way to grab a foothold and even when it seems like shit is pouring down on you, hold on tight. My foothold going through all the crap with my mom? I can't let her hate poison me. I can't hate, just because she does. She's loosing her youth, her youngest child, and she has no one. She is unhappy in her marriage---I must feel compassion for her. I must feel pity for her.
When it comes to death? We all die. Anger when it comes to death isn't ever good. Anger sours emotions, memories and relationships. Let it go.
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