I know I have been posting a lot of controversial things on face book about religion...mostly because I do love to stir the pot, but every now and then I really want answers, and I find that when I ask them nicely, no one answers, but when i do it in a way that will really stir up a fuss...I get my answers.
Since all this crap has been going on I have been really questioning. I have always questioned the existence of an all loving God...that I highly doubt...but now I am questioning the existence at all. Some days I am more content to sit and just let it be...and not question but not be a fervent believer either. I think I am now at a place where I am sure someone created us...who I don't know. I don't think that this creator is the Judeo-Christian God that I was taught about growing up..because it just doesn't fit. The Bible proclaims to be the inerrant word of god...but it just doesn't' fit. there are way too many contradictions and outright lies for that to fit. Now...would I believe that the Bible was the stories of people passed generation to generation until it was written? Sure! Of course! Many books are just that and they are very nicely written, bu we know what happens with the game of Operator..the phrase "Sally went shopping" somehow becomes "Sally is a really a guy"...and I believe that's what happened with the Bible.
Buddhism on the other hand explains so darn much. Life sucks because you make it suck. Or life is awesome because you make it that way. There are just common sense rules (That seems to me the Christians plagiarized)that make life easier, and since I've really been trying to remind my self of them every day and follow them, life has really been easier. No more agonizing about all the shit my mother is putting me through. No more worrying about where we will buy a house or when. No more worrying and stressing about money. You have to deal with what you have, realize that life is great because you have it. The compassion thing is what I love the most. For a while I was hating my mother and really wished she would go away and never return (and really wishing she had succeeded the last two times she threatened and attempted to kill herself)...however, I was reading one of Buddah's lessons and it was on loving your parents. No matter what, and no matter how horrible they are to you or ridiculous they are, they are your parents and you wouldn't exist, but for them. They are the reason you are alive...so you have to love your parents to love yourself...to hate the people or person that created you is to hate your own existance...so I had to learn right then and there to get over it. FIND A WAY to find SOMETHING to be compassionate for my mother...get over the hate and anger and hurt and betrayal...and I did it. I love my mother because I was made because of her. I love myself, therefore I have to love the person that created me. I feel compassion and empathy for her because she is pathetic. She is grasping at straws and there really aren't any straws to grasp. Since all of this crap has started I have watched her deteriorate in appearance and really, evil screws up a persons looks, so I have compassion because of the anger, hate and evil eating her up inside. I feel compassion for her because she is so lost and hateful...and I am now at peace with her. She has been using the desire for joint counseling as a tool and a control factor which I have been fighting, until now. I feel that it's a great idea as long as she pays for it. She needs me to help her understand that there is no longer a mother daughter relationship...it's as if a person has died (to use her own words)...and she has to learn to begin the mourning of that relationship...because I mourned the death of any hope of a normal mother/daughter relationship over 10 years ago and have moved on...but she needs that help, and as a Buddhist I think that will be my way of showing love and compassion--to help her along toward that grieving and getting over the loss road.
Christianity and praying never helped to love someone where I thought all the love was gone. Buddhism however has. Christianity has never answered questions for me such as---why do children suffer from cancer? Why do children die so young? where Buddhism has! Life just happens. And if you want the suffering to end, you have to do your best to end it!
Now---here's my reconciliation in regard to religion. I FIRMLY believe that there is SOMETHING that created the universe...I also FIRMLY believe that even though there are hundreds of religions...the nuts and bolts are ALL the same. I believe that whatever created life and the universe knew that with the individuality that people have, no one will EVER agree on one story...so there are many different paths, all with different lables and they all lead to the same place...now what that place is, I don't know. I think that all the end stories are just that, stories.No one knows what happens. Do I believe in the fires of hell? No. I think hell was devised by a religious government to further control the people. You don't listen to me...well then you are going to hell. I do believe that there is some validity in re-incarnation. Why should someone have 80-100 years to do the best they can, and that alone will decide where they spend their eternity? That doesn't sound right to me. I think that if you do good and you have a good heart I think you are rewarded with rest for a while until you are sent back to try to do some more good...and so on...if you are bad, I think you are immediately started over once you die so you can have a second, third...or however many chances. I don't think we remember our past lives because if you were bad...and you remember that in the new life, don't you think you will be a bit freaked out? And really feel guilty? What if the bad thing you did was because of some messed up hard wiring in your brain? Well, you shouldn't have to live with that guilt..so clean slate. If you were good...and you remember how easy it was to be good...well, that makes the second time around less valid...you have to relearn how to be good and overcome new temptations so that you can teach the new generation...after all, someone who was lets say around in 300BC...if they were good and they came back remembering all the stuff from 300 BC and it was now 1289AD...well, that would mess up a lot of stuff!
Anyway...I'm WAYYY oversimplifying stuff right now...I wanted to get the bulk of what was going on in my brain down here in this blog so that I could come back and elaborate on little bits and pieces as time goes on making it easier for me.
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