And so it begins!

The official nursing program!

Thanks to my doll of a friend who is one term ahead of me, I have the pharm medications list so that 100+ series of flash cards was done ahead of time. I'm sure I have tweaks to do but the bulk of that is done.

I've done my orientation and set up all the online programs and have had problems with two- so that on the list of things needing to be fixed tomorrow. I've done a few of the skills modules already and tried some of the online classes ahead of time. I have the first 3 of 9 boring chapters read and am dreading the others!

This is the beginning of total loss of a life for the next two years! But....its all well worth it!! I can't wait!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone (2676)

This week was scary.

So, lets start with the good stuff. My last term of pre-reqs was coming to a close! How thrilling! Micro and Patho were almost done! Study group was underway and I was kicking ass and taking names- of diseases and microbes that is. Things were great! I was in the middle of finishing my nursing packet so I didn't have any worries or hang-ups getting into the clinical setting. However, in the middle of my physical we hit a snag- the doctor found a lump in my breast. Now anyone who knows me knows that I do not sensationalize nor am I dramatic in the least---I rant and rave and vent a whole hell of a lot, but never do I make a mountain out of a mole hill, but this lump threw me for a fucking loop. The kicker? How dare my boobs think to get lumpy! I paid over 6 grand (close to 8) for them! They better not require removal! What a waste of money! But, after trying to use the humor to cover up the fear, I knew I had to have a game plan. If it was cancer, they were coming off. I wasn't gonna risk anything and I sure as hell wasn't going to fall behind in school. This wasnt' the time for chemo or being sick, this was a time for learning how to heal people.

After trying to study with this cloud looming over my head, I pushed on. I took my finals with this stupid ass lump sitting in the back of my mind, and miraculously I passed. I have my 'A' in micro and am waiting to find out my grade in patho (will update when that posts). This morning was the test. Time to get an ultra sound and see what was in there. And? The US tech found NOTHING! The lump is there, we all felt it, but on the ultrasound it didnt' show. The radiologist checked it out- and yup....NOTHING! I'm clear. They are thinking it's the implant and scar tissue being retarded.

I have to admit I was angry. My mom, being the bitch that she is, wasn't there for me. With everything that happened I was not going to call her. Why would I? Then she would again take us to court---oh, she has cancer, she can't take care of her daughter, give me custody. FUCK YOU BITCH! I went through this fear without my mother. That's one of the worst things I can imagine! I had my husband who was my rock, my best friend who just listened (and even had the convo with me through text message, cause I knew hearing her voice would make me cry) and my large and in charge buddy at school---they all supported me and listened to the fear. However, I didn't have my mother. I swear, even though I am Buddhist, I'm not perfect---and she is my largest obsticle. I am sure that in past lives I was able to deal with anything, and since in this life I make it a challenge to myself to do the impossible...I probably planned to be born to this crazy witch. Give myself the ultimate challenge. Well, damn it, I will overcome this problem too! I will make and maintain my peace with her. She will not get the best of me! Just like the cancer scare, she will not stop me!

I am relieved. Finals are done, I'm moving on to the actual nursing program and even though I didn't have a mother to help me through this----I have some fucking AWESOME and AMAZING friends who really are all the family that I need!

****EDIT***** And yes, I got an A in patho!

Death Dying and Anger

You know, I had posted under this title earlier...and it was entirely inspired by a conversation I had on twitter. Did I post before I knew the whole story?  Yup...but then what followed proved my point---anger is natural when it comes to death, but totally misplaced. Now---why did I remove it? I dont regret what I wrote...it was initial feelings, however, no matter someones reaction to what I write, I dont post blogs to piss people off. Despite what they think. It's that simple. Did my post hurt someones feelings that I used to follow on Twitter? Yup it did, and that's why I took it down. However, after the railing....well....now I'm not following them anymore. I don't have "friends" who do just what they were accusing me of doing. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry about your friend. I'm very sorry about your child (though I dont know what that has to do with  your friend)...and I do hope that you can let the anger go---because that's never good.

I get it...someone close to you is dying---and No, NF...this isn't about you. Go focus on your friend. It sucks. It seems like life isn't fair and you are railing against everything that seems to be standing in your way. Here's where I get lost. In the "Poor me" section. Everyone claims to have faith in something, have a belief system- whether your Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, or shoot, atheists. You have a belief in place...use that. If you believe in a higher power, then you can't have a "poor me"...why? Because your higher power states that you can lean on "him/her/it" for strength. Some "gods" say that things are done for a reason. Some belief systems say that there is a lesson to learn in everything.

In addition to reading about what's happening to NF's friend (and yes this part is about you) I can't help but think of my cousin Dennis who just died last night. Alone. How did he die? Liver failure. Who found out? His twin brother Dwayne who started looking for him when no one had heard from him. So---just like smoking---well, drinking does it too. I'm the odd ball in the family. I see death as just that. Death. Everyone has to die. No one chooses how. Dennis and Dwayne had the same 20 year military career, they both had the same path...but in the end, one picked alcohol and the other didn't. It's just life. And sometimes it sucks.

 And no, NF, my children are not sick. However, I just finished a year and a half long battle trying to keep custody of them. Why? Because my mother is insane, and decided I wasn't a good mom. I wasn't a Christian, I have friends in porn, I was teaching them to be Buddhist (my children not my porn friends)...and in this shitty ass legal system we have, yes, it was allowed to be dragged through the courts. My children had their innocence ripped away from them because of lies told to DCFS and LAPD constantly. I had PI's following me endlessly trying to catch me in some sort of illegal act...even running a red light. So no, not everyone shares the same pains, but we all have our problems.

The trick? Find your faith. Find your rock. Whatever it is. And keep trudging. (and no, NF, this isn't aimed at YOU...this is for any and everyone reading this) Find a way to grab a foothold and even when it seems like shit is pouring down on you, hold on tight. My foothold going through all the crap with my mom? I can't let her hate poison me. I can't hate, just because she does. She's loosing her youth, her youngest child, and she has no one. She is unhappy in her marriage---I must feel compassion for her. I must feel pity for her.

When it comes to death? We all die. Anger when it comes to death isn't ever good. Anger sours emotions, memories and relationships. Let it go.

Trigeminal neuralgia

Thats what the doctor thinks I have right now. I've had a headache going on day 10 (today) and it's just not letting up. I finally went to Urgent Care on Friday to get some relief and was given a shot and a few meds to try, and thank GOODNESS for my darling friend over at Northridge Hospital who managed to get me in to see a doctor that she knows yesterday! Getting a dr appointment when you don't have a steady doctor is INSANE! He did a few tests and that's what he came up with. There's a nerve that is responsible for facial sensation, and when it gets inflamed you get crazy lightening pain that shoots from one side of the head to another. His opinion is that I had a headache that caused the inflammation and since the headache isn't going away, neither is the inflammation...so cure the headache and hopefully the inflammation will go down. He has me on this med that makes me LOOPY for a few hours. I'm in a fog and things just don't work right, but so far that med has killed the headache. I can handle loopy for a few hours as long as I can function without pain. We'll see how this goes. Hopefully I can find someone that will fix that nerve so I don't get these nasty circles of pain.

Been a while for me...a lot's going on here

So it's been a while since I've blogged...a lot is going on around here.

Alex turned six! I can't believe it! I remember when he was a little thing walking around asking for more "Mook"...milk for those that don't speak baby talk. Michaela was my translator because for a few years I couldn't understand a single word he said. I can't believe that my baby is older now. Wow...Here are some pics. We took him to Raging Waters and had a BLAST!

Then there was the 4th of July. Our tradition so far is to go to our friend Vanessa's grandfather's house since they are one of the few areas still allowed to do fireworks...and as usual Alex fell asleep at 8:30 pm amongst all the fireworks banging and screetching! I must admit that we did give in and get the HUGE box of fireworks, what can I say, we all have an inner pyro and the 4th is a great reason to let that part of us out!

TO make the children comfortable we made the HUGE box into a "couch" of sorts to let them lay down and watch the action!

And as usual amongst all the fun and laughter I have to study 

Its been a heck of a summer and it's only gonna get crazier before it smooths it way out! Bring on the confusion and chaos...this momma can handle it!

Back to the books!

Ahhh another term begins. This nine week term stuff is no freaking joke! Let me tell you, quite frankly its hell. However, hard as I may be, the masochist in me is loving every second! I have microbiology and pathophysiology this term around and so far there hasn't been a study day under 6 hours. And I've only covered 2 micro chapters and about 70 pages of patho. In my defense, the micro book is as dry as the sahara and the patho book is probably a doctorate level book, English please.

It will all pay off in the end and until then I'll be taking breaks watching "Trauma, life in the ER" and other med shows for inspiration. Cause baby, I need it right now!!!




Micro study time




Patho study time

Lets Dance...Wii

Yesterday was a great Father's Day (at least I think so)...J and S came over to play and the kids played Lets Dance on the Wii...and lemme tell you, even us adults got jiggy with it and hammed it up and danced around. It was some crazy fun!

After the gym today I went to Target to get the game for the kids (we were playing S's game) and away we went! They've been playing for the last hour or so and are just now taking a break for some lunch. Lemme tell ya, if they play this thing all summer, it's well worth the $30!

Alex didn't wanna play at first last night cause he was having a hard time getting it...and finally when he played we kicked the girl's butts! It was an all around great time! Here is a video of three of the 5 kids who were playing.



Here are pics of the girls after they raided my closet for dress up shoes

                               

Date Night

John and I often forget about things like date night. It's so important to a marriage (or any relationship really) to check out of your daily "to-do's" and just reconnect. So many couples get so caught up in the day to day grind of life...make breakfast, get the kids to school, go to work, clean the house, do the laundry, walk the dog, make dinner...etc...that they forget cultivating the spark that started the whole fire. I will admit that John and I forget that our relationship has to check out of life's routines and check into US...keep that fire going strong so that we can  get through the daily grind together. John and I feel like we have kids- so we can't just forget about them and move on with life, however, WE are still important as an adult branch to our family. Last night we went out on a "date" something we haven't done in several months and it was freaking FANTASTIC! There were no plans, just an idea of what to do and a "play it by ear" sort of deal. We had sushi for dinner (thanks to two glasses of plum wine, I left dinner feeling extra giddy) and made our way to a local comedy club. We had a blast! It's been over a year since we've gone to a comedy club and we needed the laugh until you wanna barf feeling.

I loved spending quality time with him. The cell phones were down (for the most part) we were talking, laughing, kissing and hugging. it was fantastic! I can't remember the comedians, I can only remember some of the joke...what I do remember is his arm around my chair and sharing a nasty cup of coffee and laughing until we cried. Whispering about people that were in the club with us and laughing about them when the comedian would make fun of them! I love my husband. I am in love with my husband and I can honestly say that he is my best friend. I dont know how I got so lucky to have someone like him- someone who can dream with me, laugh with me, cry with me and make me see the reality of life while at the same time trying to shield me from the nastyness of the world. He is my protector, my lover and my best friend. Thank you for such an awesome date night my love! We must do it again, this time sooner rather than later!

Women make noise during sex to manipulate men

Scientists try to prove that women manipulate men with noises during sex

By Annalee Newitz, Jun 9, 2010 12:40 PM
Why do women make sexy sounds during intercourse? According to a recently-published study, it's to manipulate men. How the heck do you study something like that scientifically? Allow me to explain.

Over at the superlative NCBI ROFL blog, we spotted this gem of a paper from Archives of Sexual Behavior, called Evidence to Suggest that Copulatory Vocalizations in Women Are Not a Reflexive Consequence of Orgasm. To translate, if you'll excuse my slang: Noises That Women Make While Fucking Are Not Uncontrollable Screams In Response To Having Orgasms.

OK, fine. So again, how is this a scientific study? Let's read the abstract for this paper, published last month:

The current studies were conducted in order to investigate the phenomenon of copulatory vocalizations and their relationship to orgasm in women. Data were collected from 71 sexually active heterosexual women (M age = 21.68 years +/- .52) recruited from the local community through opportunity sampling. The studies revealed that orgasm was most frequently reported by women following self-manipulation of the clitoris, manipulation by the partner, oral sex delivered to the woman by a man, and least frequently during vaginal penetration. More detailed examination of responses during intercourse revealed that, while female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation. These data together clearly demonstrate a dissociation of the timing of women experiencing orgasm and making copulatory vocalizations and indicate that there is at least an element of these responses that are under conscious control, providing women with an opportunity to manipulate male behavior to their advantage.

Allow me to translate once again, with slang.

A bunch of scientists conducted a series of studies on the noises that women make while having sex, trying to figure out if these noises were caused by orgasm. They studied 71 heterosexual women whose average age was about 21, recruited from the area around the researchers' lab. In the study, our researchers discovered that most women have orgasms from touching their own clitoris, or from oral sex. Most women do not have orgasms during intercourse - usually they have it beforehand, during "foreplay." During intercourse, women made the most noise before and during the time when their male partner had an orgasm. As a result, it was clear to our intrepid researchers that women were making noises during sex EVEN WHEN THEY WEREN'T HAVING ORGASMS. Which the scientists decided must mean that women are making those noises because they CHOOSE to make them, not because they are torn from their throats by the power of orgasm alone. And therefore they determined, using the powers of science, that this means women can "manipulate male behavior to their advantage."

OK, so let me get this straight, my science-loving friends. Somehow the fact that women make noises of pleasure when they aren't having orgasms is manipulative? Apparently it did not occur to these scientists that noises of pleasure can be caused by things other than your own personal orgasm, such as the orgasm of your partner - or eating a yummy piece of chocolate.

Also, I love the way that these researchers assume noises made during orgasm are somehow involuntary and therefore implicitly non-manipulative. Which suggests two things: One, any noise not caused by orgasm is voluntary; and Two, you cannot control the noises you make during orgasm (which means that every time you wank in the bathroom, you're screaming just as loudly as you do with a partner, right?). Basically, the idea is that the only non-manipulative sex noises are caused by orgasm. Any other noise issued from the female is potentially an effort to "manipulate male behavior to their advantage."

I ask you, not entirely sarcastically: What advantage? To make the man have his orgasm faster? To deafen him? To make him want to buy his lady friend a giant, soundproof house where he can have sex without the neighbors hearing anything? Yeah, that must be it. It's a giant female conspiracy to make men soundproof their homes. In fact, all the women in this study turned out to work for a soundproofing company.

To be serious for a moment, here is what the researchers say:

With regard to the reasons females gave for making copulatory vocalization, 66% reported using these to speed up their partner's ejaculation. This was done to relieve discomfort/ pain, boredom, and fatigue in equal proportion, as well as because of time limitations. Importantly, 92% of participants felt very strongly that these vocalizations boosted their partner's self-esteem and 87% reported using them for this purpose.... Further advantages of the female being able to manipulate the presence/absence/timing of the male orgasm may include the reduction of her risk of incurring physical damage from roughness, abrasion, and ensuing infection. One of the effects of female copulatory vocalizations may be to promote male self-esteem, which may strengthen the pairbond, decreases the risk of emotional infidelity and abandonment, resulting in continued access to resources and protection . . . These data were remarkably consistent with findings reported in non-human primates, where, for example, in Barbary macaques (Macaca sylvanus) the likelihood of male ejaculation is related to the intensity and speed of female vocalizations during copulation.

And to translate: These scientists think that female humans choose to make noise during sex for the same reason female monkeys do: To make men orgasm faster, to prevent themselves from being injured during sex, and to get "continued access to resources and protection." Again, the best part about this bit of the article is that the authors first report what the women actually say (they want to boost their partner's self-esteem), and then put their own gloss on it, which is that this means the women want the men to give them things (resources and protection). Quite a leap from "making a partner feel good" to "manipulating men into giving things to you."

To paraphrase a great philosopher: "Science. It works, bitches." Except when it doesn't.

Photo by Istvan Csak

This article can be found here: http://m.io9.com/5559447/scientists-try-to-prove-that-women-manipulate-men-with-noises-during-sex?skyline=true&s=i

And was posted by @wtfsexfacts on Twitter

This zen quote is for you

The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence, but by oft falling.

-Lucretius

**This quote was sent to you by a friend using the iPhone app Zen Daily. Click Here to download it.**

This zen quote is for you

Instead of filling with questions, empty of questions. Continue to
empty. Questions confine answers. When there are no longer questions,
answers are no longer bound by them.

-Lao Tzu

New Tattoos....Again! LOL!

So...a few weeks ago I got this tattoo

And Thursday I went to finish my other arm! In keeping with the style of my left arm I added the mantra for the Medicine Buddha on my right arm, and to balance it all out (cause the right arm is LONG)...I added a blue lotus to my left arm. I love it! I can honestly say I feel more relaxed just looking at them!

Pre- Tattooing...

Here we go!!!!

Half-way DONE!!!!

This one did hurt...I will be honest!

A few hours after it was finished....GORGEOUS!

And a few hours after it was done....I love it! And it wasn't that painful....the four outer edge characters KILLED!

My Tattoo is the short version of the mantra and is read like this:

oṃ bhaiṣajye bhaiṣajye mahābhaiṣajye bhaiṣajyarāje samudgate svāhā.(what it looks like written in "English")

oṃ bhe ṣa dzye bhe ṣa dzye ma hā bhe ṣa dzye rā dza ye sa mu dga te svā hā  (pronunciation)

There are a ton of English tranlsations---and the best that I could find (that fits with the repitious symbols)  is:

“Hail! Appear, O Healer, O Healer, O Great Healer, O King of Healing!”

I thought that this was very fitting---(1) with my religion and (2) with me trying to become a nurse. I love both tattoos! They are awesome!

Vandalism at Minnesota Buddhist Temple

This sickens me. Jesus saves, so you have to vandalize another religion to prove it? Looks like us Buddhists are scaring some people. Maybe Christians are realizing that their hypocricy is WRONG and Jesus doesn't have  answers? Or maybe they realize that the authors of the Bible paraphrased Buddha's lessons and didnt cite him....Either way....this doesn't make Christians look good.  

Via WCCO.com

May 21, 2010 5:53 pm US/Central

More Vandalism At Buddhist Temple In Rochester

ROCHESTER, Minn. (AP) ― Police are asking whoever's behind a string of vandalism incidents at a Cambodian Buddhist temple in Rochester to stop.

Investigators say the latest incident was Monday, when rocks, dirt and sand were put in the temple's mailbox. Twenty solar-powered lights were also taken.

Members say the mailbox has been vandalized five times in the past month, and there have also been five attempted break-ins.

Vandalism at the temple a year ago included smashed lights, yanked flowers and a cross along with "Jesus saves" spray-painted on the driveway in orange.

Olmsted County Sheriff's Sgt. Scott Behrns says the crimes are obviously motivated by bias.

Interesting how the police are calling this a "bias" motivated crime rather than a 'hate' crime. I wonder if this was a Mosque or a Synagogue would the police be considering it a 'biased' crime as well.

http://www.thereformedbuddhist.com/2010/05/vandalism-at-minnesota-buddhist-temple.html

This zen quote is for you

Dwell not on the faults and shortcomings of others; instead, seek
clarity about your own.

-Buddha

My Rough Draft is FINISHED!

I finally finished the rough draft of my paper! I am so glad its done. I am a bit sad that I had to limit what I had to say because of the length of the paper (I could have easily written a book on this, however, I dont think my professor would have appreciated it.)...so it's up. Look at the top of the page, and you can see the link to it, it's called Christian Misconceptions.

I am trying to clean up those top links so they look like more of a navigation bar...but right now I dont have the time...I'll get to it though.

So....head on over and check it out!

ZQOTD

Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

-Confucius

Raising children in America

...is proving to be quite difficult. Why is this so hard? So many people are doing it, why can't I? I'm not saying I can't, what I'm saying is that it's difficult.

We live in such a materialistic society that everyone falls victim to, so that's battle front number one- things aren't everything. Number two, is religion. I'm trying to be the best Buddhist I can be (which is difficult since I wasn't raised this way, but am having to learn now as an adult), and in turn I'm trying to raise my children as buddhists. This is quite a challenge. Human nature is to react...and I'm tired of people- myself included- just reacting. It's not about reacting, it's about acting. I don't want my children to react, I want them to hold their actions as their own, so in an attempt to raise them as Buddhists, that what I'm tackling first. Human nature coupled with child-behavior says "He made me mad." or "He made me cry." and so we are trying to learn to step away from the knee jerk reaction and learn that no one can make you do anything. How you react is up to you, and you have choices. And I am proud to say, that though it's HARD for anyone to learn this, slowly, my children are getting it.

-thoughts of the busy momma

Finally! My tattoo!

I've been wanting to get a specific tattoo for nearly a year, and that desire hasn't changed. I've wanted it inthe same place for the same length of time, so I finally went for it the other day!!!! Here are some pics!

Starting to tattoo







All done, going home





Finally, healing and feeling better!




I know...it looks like my leg...lol...but it's the inside of my left forearm. I absolutely love it! It's a Tibetan Buddhist mantra that reads "Om Mani Padme Hung"....

There is no exact literal meaning, but it encompasses all that is Buddhism. Here are some exerts from a buddisht web page for a better explanation
"Tibetan Buddhists believe that saying the mantra (prayer), Om Mani Padme Hum, out loud or silently to oneself, invokes the powerful benevolent attention and blessings of Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion. Viewing the written form of the mantra is said to have the same effect -- it is often carved into stones, like the one pictured above, and placed where people can see them."
"The mantra Om Mani Pädme Hum is easy to say yet quite powerful,
because it contains the essence of the entire teaching. When you say
the first syllable Om it is blessed to help you achieve perfection in the
practice of generosity, Ma helps perfect the practice of pure ethics,
and Ni helps achieve perfection in the practice of tolerance and
patience. Päd, the fourth syllable, helps to achieve perfection of perseverance, Me helps achieve perfection in the practice of concentration, and the final sixth syllable Hum helps achieve perfection in the practice of wisdom.

So in this way recitation of the mantra helps achieve perfection in the six practices from generosity to wisdom. The path of these six perfections is the path walked by all the Buddhas of the three times. What could then be more meaningful than to say the mantra and accomplish the six perfections?"

http://www.dharma-haven.org/tibetan/meaning-of-om-mani-padme-hung.htm
-thoughts of the busy momma

Ahhh....Karate Testing...

Today was the kid's karate testing! This was Michaela's first test so she was a white belt who was promoted to a white belt with a black stripe. Alex has been in karate for over a year now, so this was his third test and he was promoted from a white belt with two black stripes to a yellow belt! WooHoo!!!! All the beginning white belts are gone for him!

Since they have their class in a closed off room so the parents aren't a distraction, we really can't see what they are doing, so they did a sort of "show" for us....and drum roll please...Here are all the obligatory bragging mom videos! 

This is Alex (he's the kid in the middle with the glasses)...basic punches


This one is of Michaela doing blocks...she's in the second row in the middle of the two boys...right to the left of the kid up front who can't manage to keep his balance...

 

Here are some kicks...Alex first in the front row and michaela in the back...hard to see her...chubby no-balance kid kept getting in the way.




Some Awesome kicks from Michaela---dont piss this girl off!



Alex and one of the other kids fighting...Alex is the shorter one with the yellow tube



This is Michaela in the black helmet and blue sword



Alex breaking the board!


Michaela breaking her board!


Michaela getting her new belt



Alex getting his new belt

Up at 3am!

What a way to start the darn week! Normally I'm up between 4:30-5 am on Mondays to get ready and get to class at 7 am and was expecting more of the same this morning. However, my children dont always let me stick to the plan. I woke up to hearing Michaela screaming for me at 3am, and rushed into the room to see Alex struggling to breathe and crying at the same time. My first normal reaction was "Croup" since he's had that since he was a baby, but when I really looked, this wasn't what seemed like normal croup to me...so I grabbed him and went to the living room to open a window (cold air always fixes him)...and he still wasn't going back to "normal"...


As soon as the cold air wasn't doing it for him, I knew we'd have to go to the hospital,he needed meds. Sure enough, the girls hauls cookies and grabs her shoes and jackets for them both and we are out the door. Sherman Oaks Hospital isn't my favorite hospital in the whole world, however, they have a good ER and it's almost always empty! So...arrive at 315ish...in and seeing the doctor by 330! Sure enough, it's croup- just a worse than he normally has and made worse by his panic and crying. The doc was awesome! Joking and playing with the kids trying to calm them down and then he tells me "He's going to need one s-h-o-t..just one though"...and out he goes with the nurses. I figured I'd better tell Alex before the nurses come in to do it and get him ready. He FLIPPED! My poor boy usually does well, but not this time. I had to hold him down and he was still thrashing...and in comes "Bruiser"...a huge male nurse to hold down my little five year old 42lb boy! The nurse tells me "It might be easier if we lay him down"...NO WAY lady! I tell Alex that he better hold still or I can't hold him while they do it, and he does...my poor baby curls right into me and just squeezes his eyes shut, and it's done. We come home at 4am and we are DEAD! The kids wanna lay on the couch and watch TV and I'm wondering what to do? Do I find someone to watch my baby so I can go to class? Do I stay home? Do I keep Mick home too cause she's dead on her feet...well, sleep. That was all I could think. Sleep and figure it out later. Mick woke up at 6:30 and said she wanted to go to school, so problem one solved. I of course was going to be late to class anyway and didn't know who could have watched Alex, so problem solved again. Home we are!
Ahhh...the joys of parenthood and waking up in a total panic because children are screaming like someone's trying to kill them....

Narrowing Down Even more

So...after a few days of research (that is driving a few people crazy) I have narrowed my topic way down and have even managed to find some overwhelmingly convincing evidence to back me up 100% . I have narrowed my paper down to the focus on the mental health of the LGBT community in regard to Christian led discrimination and hate against them.

It is amazing when doing the research to find that there are 1,138 benefits for hetero couples that homosexual couples are denied because they can't get married to their spouse. If I were to count them off the top of my head I would be able to count what I would consider the most important five- health benefits, legal divorce protection, death benefits, social security benefits and military benefits....however, it appears that I am 1,133 short!

In doing the research I find it amazing (though not shocking at all) that the majority of the funding toward the prevention of "gay marriage" is backed almost in it's entirety by large Christian based organizations....all because of some archaic book that in itself is FULL of fallacy....that states that because woman was made of man, so should man and woman reunite and complete the image of God...because man was made in the image of God to begin with, marriage completes and reunites the 'glory' of this being. I will ignore (for now) the blatant sexism in that little paraphrase of several focus on the family articles and move on, but not before stating this: If woman was made from man, why then is EVERY human a WOMAN in the womb until hormones and genetics dictate if that WOMAN should be turned into a MAN...seems as if Christianity is once again ignoring BIOLOGY (which by the way is proven fact, not mere faith). So---moving on to the thesis---the blatant discrimination in not recognizing the essence of a person's being has proven to cause and increase substance abuse, suicide, depression as well as malicious self harm. The organization that claims that they love everyone because god created everyone is the driving force behind an INCREASE in the mental decline of many because of their hate driven message to block them from equality.

We all know that I am by no means a christian cheerleader, you will not find me quoting Bible verses, post bits of hymns nor praising an imaginary being for my gains (last I knew, I created my gains as well as caused my own pitfalls)...however, my own personal beliefs cause me to show the inequality and masked hatred for what it is. Christianity is a means to control and over run those that don't follow the archaic and contradicting rules. Christianity is a vessel in which those who weld it's power can beat down those that vary from it's beliefs. Last time I checked, this nation was started as an escape from religious persecution...and I firmly believe that the Christians have chosen to conveniently ignore this piece of history- and as we all know, history does repeat itself...just watch as it's happening right before your eyes.

***Disclaimer*** I am not saying that ALL Christians are for holding down those that don't follow its rules, but those Christians that are NOT standing against the inequality and hate perpetrated by it's own religion are no better than those leading the battle---hypocrisy is RAMPANT in the Christian religion, there is not a single Christian that i know that is free from it. If you are offended by what I have said and you are a Christian who supports gay rights, stand up, let your voice be heard! Silence is just as bad as outspoken support of hate groups. Silence and allowing hate to exist...is in itself against the Christian religion, and there-in lies your hypocrisy.

Thesis statements...

Ok, so I'm a nerd, an overachiever, whatever you want to call it. I hve a research paper due in 7 weeks and I'm already starting...with an easy semester, why not? The thesis statemnt has been hard for me, but I think I've narrowed it down. It's no secrete that I'm displeased with the Christian attitude of hypocracy and lies, so naturally that would be my focus. I've narrowed it down to the Christian agenda to impede on human rights as well as constitutional rights of non-Christians. My main focus will be on abortion, gay rights and religious marriage rights (other than Christian, mainly polygamy). I have found a wealth of information. Because I am in the medical field, the majority of my support will be from psychology journals sitghting that prevention from Christian lawmakers spurs suicide and depression.

We'll see how it turns out here! I'll post drafts as I do them.


-thoughts of the busy momma

What I call a near perfect Sunday!

So...today started out a lot less than perfect. The kids were rowdy and I had a ton of cleaning to do. Once that all got sorted out, we started moving about our day. A trip to the book store and dry cleaners and we are now relaxing at home for what I call a near perfect Sunday--the only thing missing is John. I am listening to music and downloading more, Michaela is painting and doing quite a wonderful job and Alex is playing webkins. It is nice. Beautiful music, good coffee and my children behaving. The only thing better would be if my husband was home. Well, I know that he is working his butt off for me and the kids...and with that thought I will sit here quietly and wait for his return.

Until then, we will listen to music, paint, play games and read. I am sure between now and then there will be some arguments and in the end we will all settle down to loving each other and relaxing together.

So, three of six done

We  now have three of six walls painted! How exciting is that? It took us a while to do it, but now it's done and we can probably finish by mid-week. I'd say we'd   be done tomorrow, but I have to go get some cavities filled- lemme say, I can't go through that pain anymore! LOL! Now, without further ado, here is the paint job!

Here is the living room

Here is the bedroom!

I am so thrilled to finally have my RED bedroom!!! I love it! It's just one wall, but man, I love it!! The green in the living room is alot darker than what it looks like right now, but seeing it online with a flash picture does nothing for it. It looks fantastic being dark like it is!

Here is a picture of the other wall we have to do--we'll see what happens with that. We are debating keeping it green, or getting another good contrast for it, more than likely we will just keep with the pattern and go green.

The other walls will be done an ivory I think. Who knows. We aren't sure if we want to cover the white with ivory, so we'll see.

Here's that other wall:

My Spring Break Project

So, I have a week off of school and have to find something to do while I'm doing nothing- and painting is what I chose! We are painting our bedroom and the living room. I was thinking about doing the kids room, but I have zero clue how to paint their room, so that will take some thinking. In the mean time--here's what we have so far!

Bedroom Before:

Bedroom In the Middle:

Living room Wall 1 before

Living rom Wall 1 halfway

Living room Wall 2 Before

Living room wall 2 half way

We are tired--this is DRAINING! LOL! But we have another gree wall to do and then we have to do the ivory color on the rest of the walls and doorways and stuff. I can't wait! It's going to look awesome! I will post again when the painting is fully done, I was just so excited I couldn't wait anymore! I had to post the pics!

A promise to myself...

I will be the best ...
I will be the best mom...
I will be the best wife...
I will be the best woman...
I will be the best person...
I will be the best nurse...
I will be the best friend...
That I can be.

I will be the best me.

I can't promise to be the best ever, the most I can do is promise to be the best ME that I can be. I can't be perfect, I can only be and will only ever be perfectly imperfect. If you love me, it the flaws and the fight that you love. You will love my little "frustrated" face that my husband adores so much. You will love me despite of and because of my inborn fear of being late- knowing that though I chastise you for running late, I will always be early- and will be there whnever you need me. You will love me because I demand the best of you and everyone else. You will appreciate that I never expect you to always be right, but I expect you to have reason for your actions. You will love me because even though we don't always agree I challenge why you feel what you feel; and will call you on your bullshit. You will love me because I demand loyalty, even if you aren't always loyal to me. You will love me because I hold honesty close to my heart, even though there are times you just don't want to hear the truth. Because you love me, you will pay me the same respect- you will always be honest.

Above all, because you love me you understand that my fierce loyalty will lead me to love you with all that I am- and you will know that because I love you, I will not let anyone ever hurt you.


-thoughts of the busy momma

And my seconterm comes to a close...

Finals are next week. It's a great thing, however, a little bitter sweet. I had a great time with my friends in class these last 9 weeks and though I didn't pass my challenege test, it's bittersweet. Bitter cause I have to pay for easy classes, sweet because I get to be with my friends from here on out!

I absolutely can't wait for finals!!! The rest after that will be nice!!! I am planning on painting my room and the kids room, if Im not too scared, I'll do the living room too (and if John agrees).

Right now I'm sitting in my firesafety class wanting to DANCE!!! The instructor has music blasting and I love it!!! I'm thinking my study group will have to go out dancing afterfinals! Dress up and party!!!!




-thoughts of the busy momma

Life moves on....

Just a post to post. I'm bored sitting at starbuks right now queitly waiting for my study group to appear eavesdropping on peoples conversations. I have the "ex-con" who spent a whole four days in county, the hormonal teen boys punching each other because they want a bite of their friends food, the quickly trying to be mature teen girls and the too rich with no real life house wives. It's funny. Everyone thinks their life and stories are so important, but is anyone else going to remember them tomorrow? Life is funny. Every futile attempt to make a connection is just that, futile. However, as a species it's what we do. We are social beings who need interaction. Whether the interaction is a feeling of mutuality over a shared 4 day stay in county; a connection over the cute boy that either girl is afraid to talk to or just the bemoanings from one woman to the other about how Nordstroms doesn't have the Lui bag she wants. And quietly sits the homeless man. The man that no one talks to because they are afraid, they think he's weird, he smells, he has terrettes. It's a weird world we live in. Whether connections are made or not, we will wake up tomorrow and try again to make more futile connections and one day after hundreds of attempts, maybe 10 will be made and as an animal in the human species you will be mildly content.


-thoughts of the busy momma

Hair and makeup for the busy student!!

A friend of mine asked me to do this write up for her blog, but since I am wanting to write it and have it accessible for her, I will write it here too! Here's the deal, I am a mom with two children, two cats, a dog, a husband and my own schedule on top of all this to deal with! Hair and makeup need to be FAST and CUTE!

Here's the tools for the makeup!

Step 1: Foundation

Using a foundation brush you can get a more "air brushed" look with out looking "cakey"

Step 2: Creme eye shadow base

Light cream first all over eye

Darker cream on lid up to crease

Here is what it looks like

Using a cream base will allow for a brighter looking eye shadow that sticks on longer. I use ONLY E.L.F. make up for the most part (eyes) so if you like the look you can find it at http://www.elf.com

Step 3: Powder shadow

Using a wider brush, pat the lighter shadow all over eye lid, from brow to lash line. Go ahead and go over the darker cream with the light...the darker cream will still show up.

Darker shadow gets a light spread from inner corner of eye to outer corner on the eye lid below the crease. Once the lighter layer is spread, concentrate on building a darker shade on the outer corner....mini-smokey eye with out the blending hassel.

Here's the powder

Step 4: Cream eyeliner

Cream eyeliner allows you to have a thicker line, thinner line or to even blend easily if you want to. I didn't blend it this time because I just didn't feel like it! LOL!

Using a flat stiff brush smooth on liner starting out outer corner going about three quarters of the way into the upper lid, and about 1/4 on the bottom lashes. Using your finger, "pull" the bottom liner "into" your eye going toward the inner corner, it will smudge nicely and look more natural and less harsh.

Step 5: Mascara

Step 6: Power and translucent setting powder

I use the setting powder after the colored powder because it gives a more "air brushed" look hiding imperfections. ELF has a great powder for $6- totally amazing and blows my MAC powder out of the water!

Step 7: admire the finished product!

Now, i'm always lazy when it comes to hair- the quicker the better! I usually go for the messy bun look. Brush out the tangles. Hold onto the sing. Flip your hair up and down like a heavy metal head banger and pull the pony tail up high. After a few wraps of the band, stop when the hair is half way through the pony tail holder and ta da! Messy bun!