The official nursing program!
Thanks to my doll of a friend who is one term ahead of me, I have the pharm medications list so that 100+ series of flash cards was done ahead of time. I'm sure I have tweaks to do but the bulk of that is done.
I've done my orientation and set up all the online programs and have had problems with two- so that on the list of things needing to be fixed tomorrow. I've done a few of the skills modules already and tried some of the online classes ahead of time. I have the first 3 of 9 boring chapters read and am dreading the others!
This is the beginning of total loss of a life for the next two years! But....its all well worth it!! I can't wait!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone (2676)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
This week was scary.
So, lets start with the good stuff. My last term of pre-reqs was coming to a close! How thrilling! Micro and Patho were almost done! Study group was underway and I was kicking ass and taking names- of diseases and microbes that is. Things were great! I was in the middle of finishing my nursing packet so I didn't have any worries or hang-ups getting into the clinical setting. However, in the middle of my physical we hit a snag- the doctor found a lump in my breast. Now anyone who knows me knows that I do not sensationalize nor am I dramatic in the least---I rant and rave and vent a whole hell of a lot, but never do I make a mountain out of a mole hill, but this lump threw me for a fucking loop. The kicker? How dare my boobs think to get lumpy! I paid over 6 grand (close to 8) for them! They better not require removal! What a waste of money! But, after trying to use the humor to cover up the fear, I knew I had to have a game plan. If it was cancer, they were coming off. I wasn't gonna risk anything and I sure as hell wasn't going to fall behind in school. This wasnt' the time for chemo or being sick, this was a time for learning how to heal people.
After trying to study with this cloud looming over my head, I pushed on. I took my finals with this stupid ass lump sitting in the back of my mind, and miraculously I passed. I have my 'A' in micro and am waiting to find out my grade in patho (will update when that posts). This morning was the test. Time to get an ultra sound and see what was in there. And? The US tech found NOTHING! The lump is there, we all felt it, but on the ultrasound it didnt' show. The radiologist checked it out- and yup....NOTHING! I'm clear. They are thinking it's the implant and scar tissue being retarded.
I have to admit I was angry. My mom, being the bitch that she is, wasn't there for me. With everything that happened I was not going to call her. Why would I? Then she would again take us to court---oh, she has cancer, she can't take care of her daughter, give me custody. FUCK YOU BITCH! I went through this fear without my mother. That's one of the worst things I can imagine! I had my husband who was my rock, my best friend who just listened (and even had the convo with me through text message, cause I knew hearing her voice would make me cry) and my large and in charge buddy at school---they all supported me and listened to the fear. However, I didn't have my mother. I swear, even though I am Buddhist, I'm not perfect---and she is my largest obsticle. I am sure that in past lives I was able to deal with anything, and since in this life I make it a challenge to myself to do the impossible...I probably planned to be born to this crazy witch. Give myself the ultimate challenge. Well, damn it, I will overcome this problem too! I will make and maintain my peace with her. She will not get the best of me! Just like the cancer scare, she will not stop me!
I am relieved. Finals are done, I'm moving on to the actual nursing program and even though I didn't have a mother to help me through this----I have some fucking AWESOME and AMAZING friends who really are all the family that I need!
****EDIT***** And yes, I got an A in patho!
After trying to study with this cloud looming over my head, I pushed on. I took my finals with this stupid ass lump sitting in the back of my mind, and miraculously I passed. I have my 'A' in micro and am waiting to find out my grade in patho (will update when that posts). This morning was the test. Time to get an ultra sound and see what was in there. And? The US tech found NOTHING! The lump is there, we all felt it, but on the ultrasound it didnt' show. The radiologist checked it out- and yup....NOTHING! I'm clear. They are thinking it's the implant and scar tissue being retarded.
I have to admit I was angry. My mom, being the bitch that she is, wasn't there for me. With everything that happened I was not going to call her. Why would I? Then she would again take us to court---oh, she has cancer, she can't take care of her daughter, give me custody. FUCK YOU BITCH! I went through this fear without my mother. That's one of the worst things I can imagine! I had my husband who was my rock, my best friend who just listened (and even had the convo with me through text message, cause I knew hearing her voice would make me cry) and my large and in charge buddy at school---they all supported me and listened to the fear. However, I didn't have my mother. I swear, even though I am Buddhist, I'm not perfect---and she is my largest obsticle. I am sure that in past lives I was able to deal with anything, and since in this life I make it a challenge to myself to do the impossible...I probably planned to be born to this crazy witch. Give myself the ultimate challenge. Well, damn it, I will overcome this problem too! I will make and maintain my peace with her. She will not get the best of me! Just like the cancer scare, she will not stop me!
I am relieved. Finals are done, I'm moving on to the actual nursing program and even though I didn't have a mother to help me through this----I have some fucking AWESOME and AMAZING friends who really are all the family that I need!
****EDIT***** And yes, I got an A in patho!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Death Dying and Anger
You know, I had posted under this title earlier...and it was entirely inspired by a conversation I had on twitter. Did I post before I knew the whole story? Yup...but then what followed proved my point---anger is natural when it comes to death, but totally misplaced. Now---why did I remove it? I dont regret what I wrote...it was initial feelings, however, no matter someones reaction to what I write, I dont post blogs to piss people off. Despite what they think. It's that simple. Did my post hurt someones feelings that I used to follow on Twitter? Yup it did, and that's why I took it down. However, after the railing....well....now I'm not following them anymore. I don't have "friends" who do just what they were accusing me of doing. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry about your friend. I'm very sorry about your child (though I dont know what that has to do with your friend)...and I do hope that you can let the anger go---because that's never good.
I get it...someone close to you is dying---and No, NF...this isn't about you. Go focus on your friend. It sucks. It seems like life isn't fair and you are railing against everything that seems to be standing in your way. Here's where I get lost. In the "Poor me" section. Everyone claims to have faith in something, have a belief system- whether your Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, or shoot, atheists. You have a belief in place...use that. If you believe in a higher power, then you can't have a "poor me"...why? Because your higher power states that you can lean on "him/her/it" for strength. Some "gods" say that things are done for a reason. Some belief systems say that there is a lesson to learn in everything.
In addition to reading about what's happening to NF's friend (and yes this part is about you) I can't help but think of my cousin Dennis who just died last night. Alone. How did he die? Liver failure. Who found out? His twin brother Dwayne who started looking for him when no one had heard from him. So---just like smoking---well, drinking does it too. I'm the odd ball in the family. I see death as just that. Death. Everyone has to die. No one chooses how. Dennis and Dwayne had the same 20 year military career, they both had the same path...but in the end, one picked alcohol and the other didn't. It's just life. And sometimes it sucks.
And no, NF, my children are not sick. However, I just finished a year and a half long battle trying to keep custody of them. Why? Because my mother is insane, and decided I wasn't a good mom. I wasn't a Christian, I have friends in porn, I was teaching them to be Buddhist (my children not my porn friends)...and in this shitty ass legal system we have, yes, it was allowed to be dragged through the courts. My children had their innocence ripped away from them because of lies told to DCFS and LAPD constantly. I had PI's following me endlessly trying to catch me in some sort of illegal act...even running a red light. So no, not everyone shares the same pains, but we all have our problems.
The trick? Find your faith. Find your rock. Whatever it is. And keep trudging. (and no, NF, this isn't aimed at YOU...this is for any and everyone reading this) Find a way to grab a foothold and even when it seems like shit is pouring down on you, hold on tight. My foothold going through all the crap with my mom? I can't let her hate poison me. I can't hate, just because she does. She's loosing her youth, her youngest child, and she has no one. She is unhappy in her marriage---I must feel compassion for her. I must feel pity for her.
When it comes to death? We all die. Anger when it comes to death isn't ever good. Anger sours emotions, memories and relationships. Let it go.
I get it...someone close to you is dying---and No, NF...this isn't about you. Go focus on your friend. It sucks. It seems like life isn't fair and you are railing against everything that seems to be standing in your way. Here's where I get lost. In the "Poor me" section. Everyone claims to have faith in something, have a belief system- whether your Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, or shoot, atheists. You have a belief in place...use that. If you believe in a higher power, then you can't have a "poor me"...why? Because your higher power states that you can lean on "him/her/it" for strength. Some "gods" say that things are done for a reason. Some belief systems say that there is a lesson to learn in everything.
In addition to reading about what's happening to NF's friend (and yes this part is about you) I can't help but think of my cousin Dennis who just died last night. Alone. How did he die? Liver failure. Who found out? His twin brother Dwayne who started looking for him when no one had heard from him. So---just like smoking---well, drinking does it too. I'm the odd ball in the family. I see death as just that. Death. Everyone has to die. No one chooses how. Dennis and Dwayne had the same 20 year military career, they both had the same path...but in the end, one picked alcohol and the other didn't. It's just life. And sometimes it sucks.
And no, NF, my children are not sick. However, I just finished a year and a half long battle trying to keep custody of them. Why? Because my mother is insane, and decided I wasn't a good mom. I wasn't a Christian, I have friends in porn, I was teaching them to be Buddhist (my children not my porn friends)...and in this shitty ass legal system we have, yes, it was allowed to be dragged through the courts. My children had their innocence ripped away from them because of lies told to DCFS and LAPD constantly. I had PI's following me endlessly trying to catch me in some sort of illegal act...even running a red light. So no, not everyone shares the same pains, but we all have our problems.
The trick? Find your faith. Find your rock. Whatever it is. And keep trudging. (and no, NF, this isn't aimed at YOU...this is for any and everyone reading this) Find a way to grab a foothold and even when it seems like shit is pouring down on you, hold on tight. My foothold going through all the crap with my mom? I can't let her hate poison me. I can't hate, just because she does. She's loosing her youth, her youngest child, and she has no one. She is unhappy in her marriage---I must feel compassion for her. I must feel pity for her.
When it comes to death? We all die. Anger when it comes to death isn't ever good. Anger sours emotions, memories and relationships. Let it go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)